Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
please come you make the beer taste better
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
