did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
