i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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