I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
