I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
