Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
