dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
