life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
