I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
