Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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