proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
