I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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