Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
