She said her name was "party"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
