Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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