ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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