I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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