I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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