I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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