is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
