'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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