Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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