I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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