I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
