You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
