You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
