got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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