You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
