Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
