I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
