This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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