Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she peed on how many people?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
