Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
