I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's like iHOP with fire
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
