There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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