New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
