just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
