Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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