Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
