Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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