Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
why is half of my head shaved?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
