Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
