Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
