Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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