STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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