I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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