It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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