Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
