I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
