my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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