I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
