well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
