erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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