I hate your face
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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